


I: A Place Where Wishes Come True...

by s_yeol94



Series: Code Geass: -Reminisce- [1]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Drama & Romance, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 21:16:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19472362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_yeol94/pseuds/s_yeol94
Summary: "They say you wouldn't know its value until it's gone."





	1. Afterthoughts

**Author's Note:**

> The setting of this short story takes place shortly (approximately a week ago) before the events of Code Geass: -Re- Connection.   
> Please be advised that there is a slight mention of a suicide attempt at the end of the first chapter. Thank you for reading!

_I still remember that summer when you and I first met. You were one of the sons of the mighty Emperor of Britannia and I was merely the single child of the recent nation you’ve conquered. In the beginning, I thought you and I won’t get along. There was no way that a Britannian and a Japanese will be friends. After all the harassment and the inequality we suffered, we endured and fought on. Even when our rights and country were taken away from us, we fought for freedom. We fought to take back what was rightfully ours._

_I knew that. I knew that, but still… I couldn’t help myself but be drawn to you._

_You were an odd prince. I assumed you were going to be snotty, prudish and snobby. Well, you were all that, but you have a sense of justice and was aware of what was going on. I didn’t know your situation so I wrongly assumed and accused you of many things. The helpers around the house told me that you were abandoned by your father and left you here with us. You and your sister were stranded in a foreign country with no one to rely on but yourselves. At first, I only felt pity and I took the initiative to be your friend---_

“But even with that, you told me that you didn’t need my help. We got into our first fight and Nunnally cried.” A slight chuckle bubbled from his throat, “She kept crying and crying, we didn’t know what to do and we apologized to one another. After that, we became friends, didn’t we?”

Emerald orbs curiously peeked from the brown short shaggy locks, peering at the smooth marble structure before him. A gentle breeze whistled past his slender form, the tailcoat of his uniform flapping slightly. 

“I wonder… if we haven’t met back then, would we still be friends?” He asked to no one in particular. Alone in the middle of a vast field, this particular place was seldom visited but it’s clear that it’s been tended to frequently. A place tucked away from the civilization, within the inner sanctuary of the castle. He stood before the grave of his sole best friend, his childhood companion, the infamous 99th Emperor of Britannia, who is none other than Lelouch Vi Britannia. The gentle rustles of the bouquet he brought with him snapped him from his trance, recalling why he had paid a visit.

“Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death, Lelouch. I was told that Nunnally and the others are going to hold a private memorial service.”

He proceeded to kneel on his left knee, placing the flower arrangement against the stone. While keeping a composure still, he held a kind smile. 

“I suppose you want me to keep you updated on what’s going on right now, right?” He laughed softly though he found it weird that his throat closed up at that moment. Shaking his head, he continued. 

“Well, Ms. Viletta and Mr. Ohgi are having another child, they told me that it’s going to be a girl. They already held a baby shower, it’s really cute. Nunnally and I went, of course, to congratulate them.

“Also, the Earl finally proposed to Ms. Cecil. They’re still planning the wedding. It takes them a while to plot their union together since the Earl is a bit of a perfectionist. He said that he would stop working, for now, to worry about his future with his bride-to-be. They’re lovey-dovey. I’m happy for them.

“As for the Black Knights and the Order of Knights, the selection was held not too long ago. Gino, Anya, and the others retired but they kept their titles. Oh, they’ve made Lord Jeremiah the Chief of Knights since the new members needed someone to show the ropes. Hopefully, their presence would only be in social events… I would hate it if we send them as fighters.”

His face grew dark in a moment before taking a deep breath to calm himself. 

He continued until his last note trailed off to the empty air. 

Taking a second to compose himself, he cleared his throat, “You see? The world keeps turning and the lives of many people change. The flow of time seems unstoppable. Without you, this wouldn’t be possible. It’s all thanks to you that we are moving forward.”

Another period of silence. 

“Hey, Lelouch…

“It’s okay, isn’t it? It’s enough, right?

“Nunnally, Kallen, Mr. Ohgi, Kaguya, and the others… They’re all moving forward. Yet, here I am, I’m still stuck in the past. The position you’ve bestowed upon me… Zero is becoming a figure of the past. The world has Nunnally, your precious sister. I can’t think of anyone else to leave this legacy of yours but to her. The restored peace… I have no place here anymore.”

_I know that this is my curse and my punishment for killing you and thousands of innocents. I know that, yet…_

“I…”

_“Suzaku, you should have told me you were going to visit-”_

_“Suzaku, stop slacking off-”_

_“Kururugi Suzaku! You have betrayed me!”_

_“Suzaku, don’t you think that Geass is like a wish…?”_

_A wish. Those were your last words to me._

“Already… I… Did I make your wish come true, Lelouch?”

His strained voice uttered the question quietly, biting his bottom lip until it bled crimson. A second ticked by and he slumped over, falling to his knees, his ability to keep his calm pallor falling apart like stitches coming undone. Hunched over, his fists gripped the blades of grass below him till his knuckles turned white. He was still trying to hold himself back, refusing to reveal his weakness, but it was proving to be difficult as the memories of the past swelled within from the abyss of his thoughts. 

“Lelouch…”

_God… Where did it all go wrong… Why did this have to happen… Why am I like this… I’m supposed to hate you from the bottom of my heart because of Euphie… But still… I can’t… I can’t despite you wholly._

The once conservative person that was standing a few moments ago, now reduced to this broken ordinary man mourning for his lost friend. His entire form trembled from the pressure, ignoring the faint rumble of thunder rolling from the distance. In vain, he tried to compose himself once more.

_“Lelouch is a kind person, isn’t he?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“The way he just fusses over you and worries about you. Did you know that he always talks about you back at homeland before he was dropped here?”_

_“Euphie, we’re just good friends. He’s a bit special since he’s the first friend I’ve made when I was a kid.”_

_“Well… who says that the two of you can’t have a bond different from anyone else?”_

_“A bond?”_

_“You two are like two peas in a pod.”_

_“Pft. We’re complete opposites, Euphie. Aside from his poor stamina-”_

_“That is true, haha. Well, you’ll know what I mean in the future, maybe.”_

_“I am his sword. I will fight for him and carry his orders. It’s your job to protect him from everyone and himself.”_

_“Hmph. Don’t order me around, boy. To be honest, you’re the one who should be at his side.”_

_“What…”_

_“You two are insensible fools. It’s getting irritating to watch you two interact-”_

_“Damn witch, you’re going to mock me-”_

_“Whatever. Heed my words, boy. You better realize your true feelings before you regret it.”_

_“Suzaku, I-”_

_“It’s fine… Nunna-, I mean, Your Highness… It needed to be done. This was our, no,_ his _plan to create peace. The world needed him dead so that they know the right path to take. Lelouch has given us the task to lead the people to its bright future where there are no more sadness and war. To avoid repeating mistakes that led to the deaths of Euphie and others, we must-”_

_“Suzaku… please… I know.”_

_“... Your Highness, please call me ‘Zero’ from now on… Suzaku Kururugi has died along with the 99th Emperor of Britannia.”_

_“Suzaku… no, wait… Suzaku! My brother, Big Brother Lelouch did-”_

…

“Ah, was that it…?”

_All this time… I knew it all along, but I refused to admit. I didn’t want to recognize these feelings. But, everyone… They saw through it. Even_ him. 

_“Suzaku, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”_

_“Your Highness-”_

_“Would you like to take a walk with me for a bit?”_

_“Is that an order?”_

_“... yes.”_

_He stood there at the balcony of the airship their on. It was their final night to be together before they carry out the last stage of Zero Requiem. His white cloak billowing against the cold wind as the Emperor faced the horizon with a contemplating look. Suzaku sighed and moved forward, unbuttoning his cloak and draping it gently around his Majesty._

_Lelouch was startled at first at the sudden movement but didn’t refuse the small kindness that the Japanese enacted. Grabbing the hem, he hugged the warm cloak and looked at the male._

_“Why did you bring me out here, Your Highness?” Suzaku gazed back to his curious purple orbs with his solemn ones._

_“Can you call me by my name?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“My name.”_

_“Why would I?”_

_“Just humor me a bit, won’t you?”_

_There was an awkward silence between them as the pair stared down one another. Knowing that he can’t win against the royalty, Suzaku sighed._

_“Lelouch, what do you want from me?”_

_He was only greeted back with a small smile and his magenta hues twinkling like stars that dotted the northern night skies. The knight found this odd but didn’t question it. Though, in his chest, he felt a small thump._

_“Nothing. I forgot what we’re going to talk about. You may head back.”_

_“Ha? Are you trying to joke with me?”_

_Suzaku narrowed his hues and exited the balcony, leaving the raven-haired royalty by himself staring at the celestial space._

…

_I see it now. I understand._

He felt something trickle from his right. Blinking, he had unknowingly shed a single tear. Realizing this, came another. Then, the once thought broken tap of his emotions completely spilled over. His green hues swam in tears as he released a loud cry. He wailed as if he were a newborn child, his hands covering his face to mask the deep anguish and sorrow that boomed within him. 

_I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Lelouch._

Flashes of memories with the Britannian prince seared through the blackness, multiple events of the two talking and just enjoying each other’s company, moments where they came close to confessing their love before the world threw their lives to chaos, the good old days of their childhood.

Each memory tore his heart and made his eyes water. The inexplicable feeling boiling within him grew, unable to contain it no longer as he yearns for what is already lost. 

At that moment, he was ready to throw anything on the line just to be able to go back to the past. Even willing to offer his pitiful life that his friend spared him. 

Just to be able to see that shy smile of that certain black-haired royal. 

However, deep down inside, it was all for naught. God doesn’t exist in this realm. No matter how hard he cries, pray, beg, or whatever he offers, no one will grant him this desire of his. 

It took him a while to vent out his buried grief. By the time he finished crying, the sun was already setting over the horizon. The rain came and drenched his figure, making him look nothing like the person before he went to the grave. Out of tears or exhausted, he knelt there upright with an empty expression. The pitter-patter resounding around the male gave him a small sense of comfort but he was still at a loss of what to do. He could care less of what he appears right now or if anyone sees him. 

_Nothing matters anymore._

“Lelouch. I’ve done what I can for this world… is it alright now?

“Can I go to where you are?”

_I don’t want to live in a world without you._

“This Geass… can I be free from it?”

_I finally realize what these feelings are. Towards you, I…_

“I love you, Lelouch.”

_I’ve done many unforgivable things. Killing people, betraying my country, failing to protect the one I loved… Betraying you over and over again… And ending your life with my own hands…_

His hand reaches inside his vest. Slowly, he drew out a loaded small revolver. With a small click of the barrel, he raised the nozzle under his chin. 

_I’m sorry for breaking off our promise, Lelouch. You’ll forgive me, won’t you? I want to be where you are… anywhere but here is fine. I’ll look for you. No matter where you are, I…_

* * *

_“Suzaku, do you believe in reincarnations?”_

_“My Father believes it, but I don’t really… hey, how come you know words like that when you’re just 7 years old!”_

_“I’m that smart, you know. But anyway, I read it in a book that you get to choose what kind of life you’ll live next to if you get reincarnated. Doesn’t that seem cool?”_

_“Eh… that’s kind of creepy, isn’t it.”_

_“Come on, Suzaku! Humor me a bit, won’t you? So- what would you like to reincarnate to?”_

_“Hmm… I don’t mind whatever I reincarnate to.”_

_“Seriously?”_

_“Yeah!”_

“I’m fine as long as you’re with me… I won’t ask for anything less or more.”


	2. At The End of the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Through the ashes, memories rise. Life expires, but there is hope. At the end of the road, I shall meet you there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second installment and hopefully explain how Suzaku realizes the meaning of the power he was given. Thank you for reading!

It’s the second day since Suzaku was found unconscious at the inner garden sanctuary of the palace. Sayoko, who was in charge of tending to the late Emperor’s grave, came across the knight. Quickly alerting the guards nearby, they brought him to the emergency room and examined him. Thankfully, they found that the bullet merely grazed his jawline. 

The Empress was the first one that was alerted of his condition. At that time, she was having an afternoon tea with the ace pilot of the Black Knights, Kallen Kozuki. Upon receiving the news, she felt the grip on the porcelain cup slacken, her lilac orbs widening in fear. She immediately headed to where he was located with the femme rolling her. 

At her arrival, the petite royalty frantically entered the room where Suzaku is. Only a few within the castle know of the real identity of her protector, Zero. The thought of someone seeing the supposedly dead Knight of Zero slipped her mind, ignoring the calls towards her as she threw herself at the edge of the white linen bed. 

“Suzaku…! Wake up… Oh, heavens… Not you too. Please, Big Brother… Don’t take Suzaku too…” Her heart-wrenching cries echoed inside the ward, her small hands anxiously holding onto the blanket on top of the benumbed Japanese. 

Aside from her, Sayoko and Lord Jeremiah watched over the crying Empress, unsure of what to do. They, too, were clearly at a loss of what to do. This was their first time encountering such a situation. Never they imagined that the masked, ever complacent Zero will harm himself like this. The doctor that supervised his treatment told them that it was a suicide attempt and that was he was lucky that he survived a close contact. A miracle, he said. 

“Master Kururugi…”

“Miss Sayoko, do you think…?”

Sayoko sighed, her hands curling into tight fists. The worried green-haired man beside her slowly curled an arm around her shoulder to pull her close, in hopes of comforting the fraught woman. The maid allowed herself to be half embraced and reassured by the noble. 

“I should have paid more attention to Master Kururugi. Master Lelouch… entrusted his safety to me, along with protecting Miss Nunnally. I failed my duty-” Her trembling voice got caught in her throat as she held herself back. As a proud guardian of the siblings, she won’t allow herself to show her weakness. 

“Miss Sayoko, it’s alright. We should leave the room. Don’t worry, Miss Kozuki is on standby at the entrance. You need to calm yourself first, Miss Sayoko.”

Without a word, he paced to the exit. On their way out, he gestured at Kallen. Seeing the state of the maid, Kallen worried if everything was alright. Nonetheless, she knew that she was going to stand guard for now. 

_Nunnally must still be inside. I wonder what happened… Suzaku, what did you do?_

Sighing to herself, she took her stance beside the door. She too wished to see the condition of his friend. 

_Is he going to be okay…?_

Meanwhile, inside the room, the Empress calmed herself down and have propped herself upright. Still holding onto the hand of the knight, she gazed at his features with her puffy eyes. At the back of her mind, she recalled that this was the third time she cried so hard ever since the death of her beloved brother. Her fingertips softly rubbed the back of his palm absent-mindedly.

_Suzaku… I’m sorry for failing to see your pain. I should have known better._ Remembering the last moments with her brother, she held his hand like this too, hoping that she could save him. 

* * *

_Ten years ago…_

It all had happened so fast. Zero had stabbed her brother right before her eyes. Before this ending, she had inexplicable feelings for her sibling. She hated him and was on the verge of losing hope. And then, everything changed that day.

As the body of the Demon Emperor slumped over and collapsed at the lower platform where she was, she crawled over and gazed down at her withering beloved brother. She weakly called out to him, unsure if this was just another scheme he was playing. However, noting his disheveled hair and the light of life flickering in his half-lidded eyes: this is the end. 

She carefully picked up his hand and called out to him once more. Then, she was taken by surprise as memories not belonging to her surged in her head. Absolute silence took hold of her as she viewed these images flashing by like a current. _These memories… they were brother’s…_

The Zero Requiem. 

She felt the corner of her eyes stinging, her vision becoming blurry as it dawned on her. Everything that her brother did. It was all for her. That single wish she told him a long time ago.

_“I wish the world was a gentle place.”_

She snapped back from her reverie as loud cheers filled the air. Her eyes widening as she caught the last thread of his life slipping from him as he surrendered himself in the arms of death. 

“No… No! Big Brother!” She pulled his cold hand to her torso, shaking her head vigorously, “I love you, big brother! Please, don’t leave me!”

_When did I ever ask you to do this, big brother! I would have been satisfied just to have been able to live with you!_

Her sobs echoed amidst the people cheering for Zero. They proclaimed him the hero of justice and the one who saved the world from the terrible clutches of the Demon Emperor. 

* * *

Suzaku blinked his eyes open languidly, groaning as he found himself staring at a white ceiling. He immediately recognized where he was since he usually frequents this place. _The ward…? What am I…_

“Mm…”

He glanced to his side, sensing another presence beside him, and was surprised to see that the Empress is fast asleep. With her arms curled and her head tucked on top, she was holding onto his hand firmly. 

“Suzaku.”

He turned his gaze to the door, seeing Kallen standing there with a solemn expression. Unsure of what to say, he just hung his head and took a deep breath. 

“Kallen, how long was I-”

“Two days. Nunnally here has been neglecting her duties and refused to leave your side.” She answered sharply though her tone was tender. 

“I see… I’m sorry. I just troubled you and Nunnally here.” He reached over with his free hand and soothed her silky locks, petting her head. 

“If it weren’t for Nunnally being here, I would walk over there and punch you,” Kallen sourly grimaced at his direction, “Are you that desperate to end your life?”

“Kallen-” he started, but words failed him. 

“What you did… Do you have any idea how would that make us feel?” He could see her fists trembling at her sides. He only looked at her with a morose frown. His silence didn’t help the hotheaded ace pilot as she cursed under her breath. “How can you do this to us… to Nunnally…

To Lelouch?”

“Eh…”

“It was bad enough that Nunnally lost Lelouch… and now, you’re planning to make her suffer by leaving her side too?” Her voice rose a bit, glaring fully at the astonished bedridden male.

“It’s not like that. I wasn’t going to-” He fumbled his words, gritting his teeth.

“Then, what the hell is your death going to do?” At this point, she didn’t care if she was seen or if the Empress was there. The torrid feelings within her threatened to spill. From her expression alone, it appeared that Suzaku wasn’t the only one keeping their emotions in check. She grabbed him by the shoulder aggressively and raised her hand as if she was going to slap him. The male shut his eyes quick, ready to accept the blow, but as seconds ticked by it didn’t happen. He peeked up to the enraged femme and was startled to see the tears streaming down. Her whole body quaked, struggling to uphold herself. Angrily chiding herself for being so weak, she stepped back and pushed the shocked Japanese man. 

A heavy silence hung in the air as Kallen tried to brush her tears away. Beside Suzaku, Nunnally also woke up due to the noise. She faintly heard Kallen’s sniffling and abruptly sat up, looking around if she missed anything. She then met face to face with Suzaku, who’s completely awake but looking dejected. 

Stunned at first, her lilac orbs examined his features closely if he’s there. Even as far as reaching his cheek to feel the warmth of the person of whom her brother treasured. 

“Suzaku… Suzaku…”

The knight felt something break inside his heart as he saw the fragile visage of the young lady. His upper lip trembled and bowed his head in shame once more. 

“Nunnally… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeated his apologies over and over. With his shoulders trembling, he broke down. Even though he was supposed to be the symbol of justice and peace, he was nothing more but a broken man mourning for the loss of his loved one.

The Empress felt her eyes prick once more before enveloping the sobbing knight into her small arms. The two of them cried together as if no one can hear them. Allowing their anguish to wash over them as they lament the fact that the person they miss the most will never come back. Kallen watched over them at the sidelines, smiling wistfully. 

_Even though you deceived and manipulated us, you still cared and gave us a chance to right the mistakes we’ve done as a whole. I can’t forgive you for tricking me in the end, but it can’t be helped. I believed you’ve done everything according to your plan and proceeded with good intentions. I see that now and I understand. None of us can blame you since we were all guilty of something, so we don’t have the right to condemn you…_

_I still cherish you as an idol and a friend, Lelouch. I just hope that… you’ll allow Suzaku to remain by Nunnally’s side. No one can replace you nor him, but he’s the only one who knew the real you._

* * *

After the two calmed down, Kallen left them be. With the duo alone, Nunnally still held onto his hand, refusing to let him go. Suzaku can see her worry reflecting in her eyes still. He smiled at her reassuringly, placing his other hand on top of hers. 

“Nunnally… don’t worry, I won’t go anywhere.”

However, the girl was adamant and shook her head. A moment passed and the knight spoke in a serious but quiet tone.

“Your brother… saved me,” he began, “Two days ago, I was prepared to abandon everything and join him on the other side. But it looks like the ‘gift’ he gave me didn’t allow me that.”

Nunnally nodded. Aware of what he’s talking about due to receiving the memories of her late brother, she knew that her older sibling Geassed Suzaku to ‘live’. That explained why he’s unmatched when it comes to strength. Even with her brother gone, he was still being protected by his power and influence. 

“I don’t know what to do…” he released a heavy sigh, closing his eyes, “This world already has you, Nunnally. You’re working hard to continue the peace that Lelouch gave us. I realized it too late why Lelouch told me that ‘Kururugi Suzaku’ will no longer exist at his death. That I will be ‘Zero’, forever defending the legacy he left.” A dry chuckle came from him, shaking his head, “This is my punishment for not being able to admit my true feelings.”

“Suzaku, you…”

He met her astounded gaze with his melancholic grin.

“I love him, Nunnally.”

Despite the stillness of the room and how feeble his confession was, it rung clearly to her. Something inside her welled up, warmth and relief washed over her as she recalled another fond memory of her brother and his friend. The way Lelouch secretly gave him a tender look from time to time, his small gestures of appreciation that went unnoticed by the brunette, and how he treasured his knight closely even in his last breath.

_Brother…_

Gathering both of his hands, Nunnally held them close. Contentment showing on her warm pallor. “Suzaku, the truth is… The truth is that big brother also loves you! Believe me please, I know. I told you that I was able to peek at his thoughts on that day. I still remember… the moments he regretted not telling you outright, the sadness he felt when the two of you drifted apart, all sorts of emotions- I know it all.”

Suzaku was left dumbfounded at this revelation. She did tell him that she received the memories of her fallen brother. But to that extent… He was speechless, taking deep breaths as something was lifted off from his heart. 

Everything was clear in front of him. The exact moments where he caught the blackette looking at him from time to time, how he phrased things at him and sometimes he was left to wonder what he meant. His friend, no, his most beloved shared the same feelings as him for a long time as well. He would like to go back to the past and slap some sense on his foolish self for failing to notice these signs. 

It wasn’t until it was too late that the two of them have mutual feelings with one another. 

“Nunnally…”

“Big brother’s wish was for you to live on. Not because he wants to see you suffer but to see the world in his stead… He wanted to show you that this world can be beautiful even with its flaws… Big brother… he… he has always loved you and never once hated you. So… Suzaku, please… don’t hurt yourself anymore. I’m sure big brother doesn’t want to see you being in pain like this…”

_I see. Lelouch, I finally understand what this Geass you gave me mean. I’m sorry if I regarded it as a curse. But, it was your wish, isn’t it? You’re always so selfless and kind, I should have known what you meant from the beginning but I was afraid of damaging what we had. At the end of the day… I wish I told you this before._

_From here on, I’ll live on as you wish and on the day we meet again, I hope I can tell you how much I love you._

* * *

Outside the room, a certain green-haired immortal listened to their conversation with a pleasant smile on her lips. Kallen is nowhere to be found, perhaps sent away by this individual. Leaning against the frame of the door, her golden orbs stared at the floor, deep in thought.

“Hmph. Your words finally reached that stubborn boy. Honestly, you two are a match made in heaven. Are you satisfied now?”

Only the pure silence of the hall answered her question but she didn’t mind. She was already aware of what that particular person would say. 

_“This is less than satisfactory, but it will suffice for now.”_

She could already see that confident smirk of his while saying that. Chuckling inwardly, she straightens herself and started walking down the lonely corridor.

“Tomorrow is a special day for this world. It won’t be too long now. You’ll see him again, Lelouch.” Were her last words before she vanished around the corner, not a strand of her hair spotted that she was there in the first place


End file.
